Grandma's House World

I’m finally out of my apartment! Many thanks to my dad, stepmom, and boyfriend for all their help. Things did not, as usual, go perfectly smoothly (I’m beginning to believe that nothing ever goes perfectly smoothly, and that this is a concept someone made up to tease people). The worst thing that happened is that my pet rabbit, Coltrane, decided he would chew up my carpet ON MY FRICKIN’ LAST DAY THERE. As I started to hyperventilate, cry, and kiss my security deposit goodbye, my father swooped in to the rescue! He cut the patch of carpet Coltrane chewed into a square and measured it. He then proceeded to go into the closet where the water heater lives and cut a square of carpet in the desired size from there. He placed it on the spot, and you seriously can’t even tell something happened (Uheights Apartments, if you're reading this, I'm only kidding!). This kind of thing would never have occurred to me. Thank goodness for brave, carpet-cutting types. I’m more of a crap-oh-shit-oh-shit-why-me-why-me-what-do-I-do type when it comes to these things.

Oh, and Coltrane is going to get his balls chopped off soon. No, not as punishment for the carpet (at least not only because of the carpet…). I also told Chris he better not think about eating my carpet.


Anyways, it’s going to be an interesting few days, as I’m staying with my grandmother until the 11th when Chris and I move into our new place. My grandma just had surgery on her foot, so it’s actually good that I’m going to be here to help out. It’s just that, sometimes, this house seems like an alien planet. I seriously feel like Spaceman Spiff (anyone?) exploring a whole other world right now. Here, in Grandma’s House World, things must be clean. Ok, by clean I mean immaculately perfect. If you use a towel once, you are supposed to wash it afterwards. EVERY TIME! I think I maybe wash my towels like once every couple months. Maybe. Ok fine, I’m gross, whatever. But, I’m wondering how these Grandma’s House World towels last for more than a year or so; they get the shit beat out of them in the washer and dryer 47 times as often as my towels do. I’m surprised most of the linen closet isn’t just shreds of used-to-be-towels-and-washcloths. Sheets are washed almost as often here. I think the washer and dryer may be run 6 times a day. Any clothes are also washed as soon as they are taken off of a human and are deemed “dirty.” This means the washer has, max, five things in it (!!!!!!!!) at a time. Again, very foreign to me. I’m the girl who stuffs the washer as full as it will go after going two weeks without doing laundry. And I wonder what my grandma would say if I told her I wear jeans and bras 8-10 times before I wash them (mmmk, stop judging please)? Also, the day starts much earlier in Grandma’s House World than in Ryan’s Mid-Twenties World. Ew.

The other interesting part is that Coltrane is here in the house with me, and my grandmother has never ever had a “pet.” In fact, I think she’s pretending he’s not here so she doesn’t have to worry about it. He has to stay in his smaller cage (poor bun), but he’s adjusting just fine. Sharing a room with the bunny is not ideal, but I’m trying not to take over my grandmother’s whole house. Coltrane makes all sorts of weird noises when I’m trying to sleep, and his hay makes me sneeze a little bit.

As Grandma’s House World adventures unfold, I will be sure to share them. For now, Chris is bringing pizza over, and I refuse to share that.

Bun Behind Bars

RYAN'S RECOMMENDATIONS:

Listening: My grandma was listening to a CD featuring hit songs from 1952 today. It was actually quite entertaining!

Reading: I finished Watership Down last night. Definitely now one of my favorite novels. It's one of those books that you can't stop thinking about, even after you're finished. Now, I'm about to start Chesapeake by James Michener.

Working Out: I went for a good, old fashioned run today. I'm having a hard time getting back into a routine since I'm staying with my grandmother, but it felt good to get a jog in. If it's not too hot where you are, get your booty moving!