My Dream Job

Seeking: Beach Bum

This is an exciting and challenging full-time employment opportunity for a an unqualified candidate with no experience.

Candidate must be hard work-averse and have a strong background in procrastination and slackerdom.

Education Requirements:
-Candidate must have either been the class daydreamer or class clown.
-College education discouraged, but a useless degree will be considered (English, History, Music, Philosophy...) if candidate is otherwise qualified.

Responsibilities will include:
-Rarely setting foot indoors
-Attaining brown, leathery skin and callused feet
-Aimless wandering
-Making temporary friends with the vacationers
-Naming the seagulls and sharing lunch with them
-Listening to an unhealthy amount of Bob Marley and Jimmy Buffett
-Forgetting how to use a computer
-Napping in the afternoon
-Collecting seashells and left-behind beach items
-Drinking booze out of a brown paper bag
-Singing to oneself

Professional dress is forbidden and is grounds for termination.

Compensation: based on lack of experience
Location: Onthewater, VA

Please send messy, hand-written cover letter and blank resume to:

Bob Dunnadoanythin
That Beat Up Boat by That Dock
Onthewater, VA 00000

I would be so good at this.

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!

Showing up for my first day of work.