Are You a Boy or a Girl?

Today, I went out and did Day 2 of Week 5 of the Couch to 5k program. I ran for 8 minutes straight. Twice. Woo! I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but, the program started out with me running for 1 minute straight. So I'm doing 8x better, yes?

Anyways, when I was doing my "brisk warmup walk," I passed a bunch of little kids who were playing outside. One of the little boys (who was probably 6 or 7) yelled over at me, "are you a boy or a girl?" I was a bit stunned. But, then I thought about it, and I realized that, with my short hair, no earrings, baggy T-shirt, etc, it could be something a little kid would question.

However, my pride was a bit wounded (I think memories of being teased for having a "boy's name" were triggered). I thought of saying something absurd back like "neither." But, then I decided to say "I'm a girl, what are you?" The little boy seemed pretty stunned that I had to ask him what he was. Point made.

Then, the little boy's little sister (I assume) started repeating, "Are you a boy or a girl? Are you a boy or a girl?" over and over. So, I kept on walking.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to share that. I guess it just shows you how society/parents shape their children's perception of things like gender and sexuality. Short hair= masculine, etc.

I'd like to get to the point where people make ZERO assumptions based on silly things like hair length, personal style, etc. I think we have a really, really long way to go.

Names That Flout Convention: Ryan the Girl Style

Hey guys! What's up?

So, the other day, CNN ran a short little story about people with unusual names. I believe the idea came when Jessica Simpson announced that her newborn daughter was named Maxwell Drew. Then, they asked people to write in about their own experiences. So, being passionate about this subject (obviously! I frickin' named my blog based on that passion!), I decided to write in with my little story. The next day, I got an email from a writer for CNN.com asking me if I would be willing to do a short phone interview. I said, "sure thing!"

So, the article the woman wrote came out today. Here's the link if you're interested in reading it: http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/08/living/ireport-names-identity/index.html. My small part is at the very bottom.

It certainly made me realize that I'm not as eloquent as I think I am! :P Phone interviews don't are certainly not my favorite. Anyways, I thought the article was cool. It was nice to hear about other people's Ryan the Girl Moments (Or Michael the Girl Moments, or Kim the Guy Moments, as the case may be).

I am also obviously not the only person who has been teased because her name doesn't adhere to some preconceived notions of gender in society. And, if you read the dreaded Comments section under the article, you will see that there are a lot of intolerant jerks out there (why do they care what other people name their kids???).

In other news regarding tolerance, I will never be moving to North Carolina, thank yew very much.

In other other news, I'm going to check out a possible wedding venue this weekend! :)

A Letter to the Governor

I rarely get on my soapbox in my writing on this blog, but today, I feel like I need to. And damnit, it's MY blog. And a personal blog at that.

As some of you may know, I live in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Today, a bill I whole-heartedly oppose was passed by the state Senate. All that stands in the way of it becomming law is the governor's signature. I wrote a letter and have been trying to email it to the governor all day, but the website keeps crashing (hopefully because so many people are voicing their concern!). Anyways, here's my letter to the governor. Please don't feel like I'm trying to alienate any of you or to make you feel bad if you disagree with me. I just really feel the need to express myself on this. If you would rather not read my letter to the governor of VA, read no further. I won't be offended!

Governor,

Please do not sign HB 462 (The one requiring an uncessary and invasive ultrasound to any woman seeking an abortion) into law.

I feel that the State of VA is trying very hard to make its female tax-payers into second-class citizens who aren't allowed to have control over their own bodies. I have lived in VA my whole life (I'm a 26-year-old female) and have never, until now, been scared about living in such a conservative "red state." Now, I'm terrified. This, combined with the almost-passing of the so-called "Personhood Amendment," really scare me.

Religious beliefs have no place in government or law-making, and I feel that this bill has made it through the House and Senate because so many representatives are acting on their personal religious beliefs and not their duties to their citizens (who come from a variety of backgrounds and have a variety of beliefs). The law should protect a woman's reproductive freedom so that any woman with any religious or social background can act as her own values dictate.

I also think it's political suicide to alientate more than half of your voters. Women voters will stand up for themselves in the next election(s). So if you need a reason not to sign that bill, other than that it's the right thing to do, there you go. The only thing scarier than a mad woman is a bunch of mad women, believe me: We will show our discontent at the polls.

Thank you for your time,
Ryan Babarsky

Co-ed Sports

I started this blog by writing some things about gender, my name, and how the environment you grow up in greatly influences who you become as an adult. I also wrote about how I have a bit of a complex when it comes to losing to boys.

That said, I joined a co-ed soccer team this spring, and some of those gender-type issues have surfaced for me as a result. I played on all-girls' teams from ages 10-18. So, I've found that there are some things I like about playing co-ed sports, and some things I can't stand. And, somehow, the cons have greatly out-weighed the pros for me.

Co-ed Pros:
1. The idea of equality! Someone, somewhere, decided that girls and guys are on the same level. I want to kiss that person.
2. Boys= yummy.
3. I've always had an easier time making friends with guys, and generally feel more comfortable around them. I couldn't tell you why.
4. Beating boys= amazing feeling!
5. Some teams seem to be able to have an amazing harmony and team-chemistry between male and female players. It's great to see.

Co-ed Cons:
1. Boys, on occasion, seem to not want to pass to girls. I'm not sure if this is something that is a concious choice or a subconcsious thing, but either way it sucks. Sucks sucks sucks. I especially hate it because I'm at least a semi-decent soccer player; it's not like I don't even know the rules or something. So these boys will dribble and dribble and show off and end up losing the ball. If they had done the simple thing and passed it to any of the open players (ME!) the ball would have remained in posession. I AM NOT IMPRESSED THAT YOU LOST THE BALL. PERIOD. ARGH! Seriously guys- girls don't sleep with ball-losing losers. Hopefully that solves that.
2. Guys and girls plays sports differently, I assume because different types of bodies are built for different things.  Because I played on girls' teams for so long, I know how to play the game the way females tend to: Lots of passing, give-and-go's, using your butt, etc. Throwing guys (who tend to play a running game featuring long kicks) and girls together makes it difficult to figure out what kind of strategy to use!
3. It's always some guy who appoints himself team-leader and starts ordering people around. Ryan no likey!
4. I have always had trouble making girl-friends, and, growing up, it was always my soccer team that provided me with the opportunity to find at least a few wonderful girls I enjoyed hanging out with. I think my life is a lot less rich for the lack of a Soccer Girls posse.
5. Some girls seem to be a little self-concious around boys, and, even though I'd like to say that I'm not, there's a chance that I am a little, at least on some level.
6. When boys beat me, I want to murder them.
7. There's a rule that you have to have at least 3 girls on the field. The reason such a rule exists is that there are always more boys than girls who sign up to play co-ed. This bothers me! We're always outnumbered!
8. I have yet to have a female referee. There seems to be a very real boys-are-in-charge feeling in the league.
9. Whether I like it or not, boys are often bigger, and they have hurt me quite a bit this season. I got elbowed in the face this past weekend, got taken out to the tune of a bloody skinned knee last weekend, and I am pretty much covered in nasty bruises. At least I get bragging rights.

So, perhaps this means I should play in the womens' league next season. I dunno. What I do know is how much I've been thinking about my old travel team from high school. I miss it. I miss the people, the chemistry, my old friends, the coaches, everything. Mainly I miss how sure of myself I was back then. No matter what bullshit (and man, was there some bullshit) was going on in other parts of my life, I always had confidence that I was a good soccer player, that I had people around me who liked and respected me, that I looked good, and that I was going places.

And here I am.

Ryan-the-Girl Moments

If you look up the name "Ryan" for a female on Urban Dictionary, here is what the entry says:
"A girl that has been through hell with that name. She is probaly a super catch, she has a great sence of humor and wants nothing more then to make everyone happy. If you know a female Ryan, you are lucky, they are rare. Don't judge her by her looks she is by far a better person then you can see from the outside." (Ha, I swear I didn't write that!) Go to http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Ryan%20(girl) if you want to check it out for yourself! Yeah, that made me grin.

Some random lady posted this on Yahoo! Answers: "Okay, to everyone who thinks I'm ever going to name a baby girl Ryan: 1) I'm not pregnant, I was just stating I knew a girl named Ryan, and looking for your opinions. 2) I think it's horrible for a girl." Um, yeah. Opposite of grinning happening here. Hating you, hating your comma splice.

Anyways, so it's safe to say that people have very different opinions regarding "appropriateness" of certain names for certain people.

My name has certainly caused some interesting exchanges in my life. I'm going to call these "Ryan-the-Girl Moments," but I'm sure other females with traditionally male names have dealt with the same sorts of issues (as have, I'm sure, males with traditionally female names). You'd think that, by now (two thousand-freakin'-TEN), people would be catching on to that whole don't-assume-anything thing, but apparently this is not the case. It's a form of stereotyping! Here are but a few of the more memorable Ryan-the-Girl Moments I've experienced:

- I think the first time I was ever really embarrased of my name was in 5th or 6th grade when some jackass at the local skating rink (anyone?) laughed at my name and then asked if my parents "wanted me to be a boy." I believe I just blushed sixteen shades of red and then cried. Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeat comeback 12-year-old me. Anyways, Effff you Mean-Skating-Rink-Bully!

-Also in middle school, I tried to check out a book at the library in school and they thought I was lying about my name. When I gave them my last name, they kept trying to tell me I was the Kathleen in their system. I politely informed them that no, Kathleen is my sister. I am Ryan (Yes I am. I promise I am. ID? I'm 13, I don't have ID yet!). When someone is trying to tell you that you don't know your own name, it's pretty hard to keep your cool or take them even remotely seriously. So, Effff you Narrow-Minded-Librarian-Lady!

-Let's see, one of my favorite, most memorable Ryan-the-Girl Moments was when I turned 18 and applied for my very first voter registration card. I happily filled out all my forms and mailed them in. At last! The Vote! Well, a few days later we got a voicemail on the house phone from a woman who worked in the voter registration office. She was so very helpful. She calmly explained how the Babarsky family's son Ryan had accidentlally checked the "female" box, and could he please call in to give them verification that he was, indeed, a male? They would just go ahead and fix it, but it's policy to have to get at least vocal verification to make any changes (!!!!!!!!). WTF? Maybe she thought this 18-year-old boy was playing a joke? Anyways, Efff you Know-It-All-Voter-Lady!

-Very recently (perhaps a month or two ago), I went to my local pet shop to get some bunny supplies. I am a "preferred pet" customer, so I get a small discount when I check out. This guy I had never seen was working there and I asked him to put my phone number into the system (which pulls up my name and then applies the discount). Well, I give this new guy my phone number and he sees my name pop up and gives me a really funny look. Well, apparently he thought I was lying about who I was, because when I gave him my credit card to pay (which has my picture on it), he was like "oh, so you ARE Ryan." And I was like, "um, you thought I was lying?" And then he said "What, did your parents want you to be a boy?" And, all of a sudden I had a horrible flashback to 5th or 6th grade at the skating rink, and my face turned red and all I could muster was a "no" and a Die-bitch-die kind of look. And, of course, as I'm walking out of the store, seething with anger, I come up with a comeback: "What, did you parents want you to be a stupid, hateful, dumbass?" Why can't my brain work a little faster? Effff you Stupid-Hateful-Dumbass-Petstore-Guy! Of course, a little while after that, at the same pet store, a new girl was working and couldn't stop complimenting me on my name! People are so very different!

There are all sorts of situations in general that are a pain too because of my name:
-Going to the bank: I have to give like 8 forms of ID, my mother's maiden name, and promise them my firstborn if I want to cash a stupid check.
-Getting mail: If I had a nickel for every piece of mail I got addressed to Mr. Ryan Babarsky, I'd be living in a mansion, married to a beach bum, and drinking all the coffee I want by now.
-Going on interviews: Every time I've ever interviewed for a job, I've had the interviewer's shock at having a female walk in to deal with.

Then there are the fun things:
-People usually remember my name because it is different.
-My boyfriend Chris has figured out a fun game: Introduce us as Chris and Ryan but switch our names around to totally confuse the person.
-It's so much fun finding other girls with masculine names! It's like an instant friend! I almost interrupted some 13-year-old girls' putt-putt game the other week because I overheard that one of them was named Ryan! Then I decided that I would probably just freak them out.

I would like to keep coming back to this whole gender/name thing on occasion because it's interesting to me and because it is a huge part of my life. Has anyone else experienced this kind of Ryan-the-Girl Moment? Next post coming soon about my move-out experience yesterday. T'was interesting, for sure.

RYAN'S RECOMMENDATIONS:

Listening: Back to the River by Susan Tedeschi. I got this CD for Christmas and love it. Lately I've been particularly obsessed with the track called "700 Houses." It's about Hurricane Katrina and Louisiana and is an amazing song. Also, Derek Trucks plays this freakin' awesome guitar solo on the track. It literally brings me to tears almost every time I hear it. There's something about it that pierces into my body and gives me shivers. I highly recommend the album.

Reading: Still reading Watership Down because I don't have nearly as much time to read as I would like. But seriously, what could be better? It's BUNNIES, people!

Working Out: One of the things I recently added to my workout collection was a medicine ball. It's really small, full of sand, and 6 lbs. It's great for some ab workout stuff, and easily portable. Y'all should get your selves one if that sounds good to you!