Glaring Mistakes

I've done a lot of traveling by car lately, and I've come to realize that I'm the only person on the road who's not a dumbass. I'm sure you're all very nice outside of your cars, but I'm pretty convinced you all (that is, everyone but me) magically turn into dumbasses as soon as you turn the key in your ignitions. It's like you have a Clockwise-Turning Magic Wand of Stupidity on your key rings.

I don't know how many times I've witnessed someone trying to zip across the highway, only to just miss getting T-boned by a semi. Because they'd rather die than have to wait ten seconds for traffic to clear the area. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a dumbass thing to do. I don't care if your wife is having a baby in the passenger seat; that is no excuse to do stupid shit on the road. Do you want her and your semi-born kid to die? No. Oh, and I was driving home in a really bad thunderstorm yesterday, and people were tailgating and speeding and being DUMBASSES. And, of course, I passed a nasty accident where someone's shiny, red car became a shiny, red mess. I'm sure they're very sorry for tailgating that giant truck that ended up not even having a dent in it. But, you know what? I'm sure they'll do it again when they get their car back from the auto-body shop. Cuz they're a dumbass.

Whenever someone does something freakin' stupid on the road, I make sure to glare at them. I'm not talking just looking at them. I'm talking a death-stare, an evil-eye, stink-eye, bore-a-hole-into-their-BWM stare. An I-hope-to-god-you-never-procreate stare. Sometimes, Chris and I try to do this as a team, so as to make our point stronger (but only if it is safe to). If I'm driving, I don't want to be a dumbass and take my eyes off the road while passing the dumbass in question. So, when it is necessary, Chris will perform the glare from the passenger seat. See? There's a right way and a wrong way to punish someone for their dumbassitude.

So, let's start taking the high road, people. Drive safely, and don't endanger yourself and others because your dumbass is running late. You should have left earlier. Oh, and if you see someone else do something stupid, it is your civic duty to glare at them. But only if it's safe. Don't be a dumbass.