Lately

You may have noticed that, lately (hey, that's the title!), most of my posts have revolved around two categories: One being my band's CD being released, the other being my pet rabbit Coltrane. And that is because those have been the two main things in my life of late (hey, that's part of the title!). But, the album is released and the bunny's doing fine, so it's time to move on (ok, first, I want to direct you to our new band website, where I will be writing a band-themed blog: http://www.rockrivergypsies.com/. That way, I can get all that info/energy out before I come back over here to bitch about stuff. You can also click on the "music" tab to listen to and/or download the CD!).

So, the thing on my mind right now is that my life is so perfect that I'm terrified. I have a new, great, well-paying job that is interesting and challenging. I have a wonderful man in my life whom I love very much and who makes me smile even when I'm feeling my down-est. We have grand plans for the future. I'm part of a local-level band that is tasting hard-earned success. Hell, I have an ALBUM, people. I have friends and family who care about me and who support me. I have a pet rabbit who makes me smile every single day. Chris and I have a house we're happy enough renting that we're renewing the lease. I have a couple freelance writing gigs, both of which I'm happy with. I feel pretty good about the way I look right now (new hair= lots of compliments!). I'm getting two weeks of vacation this year; one with friends, one with family. My car is in great shape. I love my guitars. The weather is going to start cooperating with me very soon. The days are getting noticeably longer. I'm reading a wonderful book. I get to see my sister soon.

I should be "Sittin' On Top of the World" as the old song says. But, I feel fearful. So far, my life experience has taught me that these, rare, perfect periods are short-lived and often followed by some kind of horrible blow. Is anyone else like this? Am I the only freak in the world who can't let herself relish her own accomplishments? Why can't I just let myself sit back and enjoy all the things I have (especially because, though some of these are due to luck, others are due to my own hard work and perseverance)? I feel so afraid to let my guard down and relax and simply enjoy. Maybe I should try doing yoga more often or something? Thoughts?