Is That a Plantain, or are You Just Happy to See Me? (Or, How I Know I'm Still Not a Grownup)

Last night my boyfriend Chris and I went out to dinner with my dad, stepmom, and grandmother to this really nice place in town called Zocalo. It was fancy (faint-see)! I, however, was not.

My stepmom and I both got the scallop dish, which featured each scallop placed ever-so-delicately on top of a “tostone” which is apparently similar to a fried plantain (Unfortunately. I had assumed that something called a “tostone” would be, like, toasty bread or something. Shows you what I know). They were cut medallion style and were somewhere between the size of a silver dollar and a coaster. My stepmom informed us all that these were much bigger than plantains and proceeded asked the waiter (who was an awkward human being to begin with) how big these “tostone” fruits were.

Now, many items were discussed here, including girth and length, and hand gestures were used to demonstrate each (“Well, if they’re *this* big around, then they must be huge!). Everyone seemed very interested, but I literally had to turn my head away from the waiter and the conversation and stifle a huge guffaw. I had a really hard time understanding how everyone at the table was keeping their cool (Well, Chris was barely keeping his cool, but mainly because I was turned away from everyone else and laughing in his face) while this obviously suggestive conversation was taking place. I mean, come on! Are you seriously telling me that I was the only one who thought of a penis? I mean, water was about to come out my nose I was laughing so hard. And, I had to keep it secret because it was wildly inappropriate and we were in a faint-see joint. Plus, I really didn’t want to embarrass the waiter. I have no problem embarrassing people I’m related to, but this guy certainly didn’t deserve to have a customer laughing in his face about phallic-shaped fruits.

Ha, I’m grinning while I’m writing this thinking about how funny it was. You just can’t make this stuff up.

I guess this means I’m still not a grown up. Thank god.