I Shrugged

I think I've mentioned more than once that I've been watching the show Ally McBeal lately. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's essentially a show about a law firm. But not just any law firm. A cool, fun, sometimes musical law firm. The main character is a little self-centered, and slightly insane, and she dances and sings off her frustrations. And she randomly hears Al Green and Gladys Knight, and characters hear and dance to Barry White, and it's awesome (not to gush!).

Anyways, it's one of those things that comes along that makes you (me) look at life in a slightly different way. It makes me want to dance (which I never, never, never, never (soberly) do). It makes me want to buy every Motown album I can find and spend hours dancing in my living room singing into my hairbrush. It makes me want to be a little more optimistic than I am. It makes me want to make a concious effort to enjoy life more.

It sounds silly, but, sometimes something little like a movie or a book can really profoundly influence me.

When I was at the height (or depth?) of the depression I experienced, I happened to pick up Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I had actually started my own little project to get in as many "must-reads" on my own time (on top of the reading I was doing for class) as I could. Plus, I love big, fat novels that seem like they will never end. And Atlas Shrugged is 1,069 pages long... Anyways, the point is, I read the book at the exact moment in my life when I needed to. And by that I mean this: I was feeling worthless- like there was nothing anyone could possibly see in me that was positive. I felt weak and helpless. I felt alone and misunderstood. I needed help.

Dagny Taggart, the main character in the book, is a strong, confident woman who derives her self worth from within- from her own abilities and intelligence. She knows that she deserves good things out of life. I found a role model of sorts... someone (though fictional) who felt about herself what I wanted so desperately to feel about myself. And you know what? It helped me. No, I wasn't "cured" by it, but, I was able to get a little upward momentum that I needed. And that, my friends, is really something.

So, I know Atlas Shrugged and Ayn Rand in particular tend to spark controversy (especially by people who've never read her!), but, all I'm saying is that I needed to find something to latch on to at the time, and this characater in this book was it. She inspired me to be a little better than I was.

And I don't feel too weird about admitting that these fictional items have had such an influence on my life outlook, mainly because all art is created by real human beings with something to say (and offer).