And I do not like to pee in the woods, nor am I particularly adept at it. My parents never really took me camping (my mother shudders at the thought of sleeping outside), and no one ever told me it was ok to do things like pee in the woods (people are supposed to pee in designated areas). And no one really said, "ok, this is how you pee in the woods," because, for a girl, it's not always as straight-forward as you might think... there's the Rodin's The Thinker position, the lean against a tree position, the hang off a tree branch position (yes, this is a real peeing position; I seen it!)... there are so many, and it's just such a vulnerable position to be in generally, and it just makes me uncomfortable. But, today, I'd say I excelled. Go me!
Chris and I took our new/old kayaks out together today for the first time. We went on a two-hour long paddle on a creek where you can put-in like eight minutes from our house (lucky us!). Also, conveniently, Chris's parents got him kayak racks for his van for his birthday. Happy birthday to him/me!
We were lucky and had a gorgeous paddle on a gorgeous day. We saw Canadian Geese, Mallard ducks, fish, purple flowers, white flowers, and green all-around. It poured yesterday, so the water was really high, and we spent some time down a small fork, which was breathtakingly beautiful. I could have sworn we were in some other country; it didn't look like the Virginia landscape I was used to at all. And it was just peaceful and relaxing (and I'm sure you've all gleaned that I have trouble relaxing by now!). Here are a few pictrures, most of which Chris took:
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| Bow |
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| Me paddling! |
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| The end of the line for us up a small fork in the creek. |
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| The captain. |
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| I can't believe this is Virginia. |
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| We really lucked out weather-wise. |
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| These small, flowering trees dotted the countryside with purple. |
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| At the end of the paddle, we ran in to one of our best friends, Jared. Hi Jared! |
On the paddle back, I realized I had to pee. Pretty badly. Those two cups of coffee I had to have at brunch seemed like less of a good idea. I thought maybe I could make it until we got back, but then I realized that we'd have to get the boats on the car and all that jazz before we'd even leave for home. So I made the brave decision to pee in the woods. I paddled down a ways out of the way of where any traffic would be (though we saw all of three other paddlers the whole time), and, much to the chagrin of the Canadian Goose couple that was back there, I found me a damn-good tree. I made Chris my lookout. But don't even get me started on the whole drip-drying thing...
And I'm glad I made the decision to go, because I really enjoyed the paddle back to the car instead of feeling like I would die if we didn't get there RIGHT THIS INSTANT, DAMNIT!
I'm hoping to go paddling more weekends than not this warm-season. There will be some whitewater and some overnight trips on the horizon!
Oh, and if you ladies have pee-in-the-woods tips for me, please share. Please.
I squat. And weirdly enough, I LOVE peeing outside. I do it every chance I get. Pooping in the woods is another story. A less pleasant story. But I've been there too. I even pooped in the desert in the sand! With minimal cover!
ReplyDeleteBut as for peeing, I squat (or half squat, depending on vegetation-no one wants poison ivy on their ass), make sure all pants and underwear or other clothing is out of range, and feet are far enough apart to avoid splatter. If a full squat is possible it is much more preferable. Get your bottom as close to the ground as possible and pants down to your knees. This keeps clothing away, and splatter to a minimum.
I worry less about leaning on trees, but finding a safe appropriate blind is also very important to me. A small clump of bushes to hide your bare ass, and a spotter to warn of oncoming hikers is also helpful.
Wow I love peeing outside though. Really!
Tip#1
ReplyDeleteAlways make sure you are pointing your stream downhill otherwise you will be standing in a small lake of urine.
Completely agree with EmLzBz. I, too, love peeing outside. And, peeing by the side of the road (preferably at night if it's an Interstate or some other busy road) ... it's MUCH more sanitary than any nasty gas station bathrooms, yuk! While hiking it's always a good idea to carry a bit of toilet paper and a ziploc bag (don't litter!) ... it beats drip drying :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd the pink trees are most often Redbuds :-) Beautiful looking creek. Virginia is indeed so pretty this time of year.
Ryan, I love you. I'm so jealous, I wanna go kayaking! Great pictures, I miss you already. Also, funny, I had to pee outside last week! Long story, but I was on the side of a highway and every time a car drove by, their headlights shone upon my full moon. And I peed on my shoe. Then proceeded to go to a bar and pretend I didn't smell like urine.
ReplyDeleteAlso, yes, I know peeing on the side of a highway is both illegal and dangerous.
ReplyDeleteOk, Em and Judy, I guess you guys are just more outdoorsy than me!
ReplyDeleteDharma, I'd say that is sound advice- thanks!
LAS, the idea of peeing on the side of the road absolutely terrifies me! And the pee-on-the-shoe-in-a-bar story is pretty much the funniest thing ever.
sounds like good times! :-) i've never been kayaking before believe it or not! peeing in the woods isnt that bad haha, glad you're coming around ;-)
ReplyDeleteBeanst. We gotta get your butt in a boat!
ReplyDeleteask kathleen i used to pee all around richmond when we were out drinking lol...i started carrying toilet paper with me everywhere in my bag..Bed bath and beyond actually sells Charmin in a travel size roll that comes in plastic which is good for camping and on the go!
ReplyDeleteI key is to make sure you wont get caught because its indecent exposure and that could take you down a road you dont want! Just make sure to have a good look out and watch your feet!
Dude, you couldn't pay me to pee outside in a city! Crazy Paige!
ReplyDeleteNice Picturization.Very beautiful capture of image and great composition and colors
ReplyDeleteHey Ryan,
ReplyDeleteIf you don't like the squatting aspect of peeing in the woods, there's the pStyle! It lets you pee standing up. I have a friend with one who swears by it for hiking trips.
The kayaking looks fun!
-Laura
Air Conditioning Parts (interesting name!), I'll pass that along to Chris.
ReplyDeleteLaura, I will google that immediately!
Love peeing in the woods. I usually find a small tree, not to lean on, but to hang onto while I lean AWAY from it, thereby enabling a more stable & lower squat.
ReplyDeleteSide-of-the-highway peeing tip, courtesy of my mother: Pull the car over. Then open both passenger-side doors, front and back. Squat in between them, right next to the car (you can also hang onto the car at this point for balance). The doors act as a visibility shield for both directions of traffic.
Also learned from my mother is this short rhyme:
No matter how much
I wiggle and dance
The last few drops
Always land in my pants.
Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI think those are great pee-suggestions... thanks!
And that rhyme is freakin' hilarious. It will most likely be stuck in my head (accompanied by some silly meldoy I made up) for a week!
Really a great post.I liked it and i will share it with others too.
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Haha--I had to go back and read this, since you said it was your second-most popular post! The whole situation is very funny, and the pictures are beautiful--but what struck me most about the story is the random part at which you said you 'ran into' Jared! Did you guys plan on being there together, or did you truly just run into him on a body of water? I love the idea that that could happen, haha.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm very much an indoor cat, so I have no real advice for you. But I applaud your chutzpah!
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Over the years I've peed outside lots of times. I kinda enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteWhen peeing outside I pee on small flowers or a clump of grass. Peeing on the flowers or grass takes care of the splatter. If there is a creek I squat at the edge of the water and pee in it. I also toss my TP in the creek after I wipe. TP is a must for this girl. I don't like damp panties or wearing my pee.
Don't push your jeans and panties past your knees. If wearing a dress be sure to hold your dress over your waist so you don't pee on the skirt.
Panty hose is a real pain. I wear thigh high's instead. It makes peeing either inside or outside a lot easier.
Hope this helps you girls out tehre