I’ve been a worrier for as long as I can remember. Even when I was a little girl I worried every time my sister got in trouble or basically when anyone wasn’t getting along with anyone else (which, I learned, happens all the damn time). It was never something I thought was unusual. That is, until I got to college and my “worries” got worse and started causing physical problems. I got pretty thin. I swear that I was so uptight that my body metabolized everything faster than it was supposed to. I felt like I would eat and then be hungry an hour later. My stomach was always gurgling. I think maybe I worried so much that my stomach produced more acid than it was supposed to. I also kept thinking I was pregnant. I mean, I must have taken 25 pregnancy tests my junior year. As soon as I felt a little weird I would start worrying and thinking I might be pregnant. I literally worried myself sick (which I had always thought was just an expression). As soon as I felt nauseous (from worry) I would immediately think “morning sickness” and proceed to freak myself out even more. Horrible cycle really.
The reason I’m writing about anxiety on this post is that I had a horrible panic attack yesterday. I started feeling a little bit weird after I had my morning coffee and the feeling got slowly worse. Eventually I was breathing hard, wringing my fingers, shaking, bouncing, and my heart was pounding. I couldn’t make it stop. It’s so amazing what the body can do in response to the mind. I do have a lot of stressors to deal with right now, both in my personal and professional lives, and I guess it got to be too much. I had to take an anxiety medication to calm down at all. I don’t like taking meds when I don’t have to, but it was so bad that I didn’t know what else to do.
Today I spent some time doing yoga to try to get a little of the anxious energy out while also getting to relax. It was somewhat helpful. I think everyone needs to spend a little time doing something that is relaxing on a daily basis.
I also want to put an all-encompassing “thank you” out there to the people in my life who have helped me through these types of situations. Seriously, sometimes you can’t go it alone. Sometimes you need people.
Sorry this isn’t a particularly witty or funny post. I want to write about what is happening in my life, and right now, this is it.
RYAN’S RECOMMENDATIONS:
Listening: For the Roses
, by Joni Mitchell- This is a beautiful album that I come back to over and over again. It’s in a sort of in-between phase for her (that is, in-between her folk and jazz influences). There’s a song on it called “Let the Wind Carry Me” that is amazing. I highly recommend it.Reading: Watership Down
is getting better and better. I’ve cried twice now reading it! The characters are fascinating (and they’re cute little bunnies!).Working out: Weight Loss Yoga
, by Bob Harper- This is the yoga DVD I did earlier today. It’s not necessarily easy, but it is not high-impact like some of the other DVDs I workout with. And the cool-down is incredibly relaxing. I feel like jello afterwards.Researching: Cameras- Help help.
