Farfels and Three-Legged Ducks

Today was one of those days where I got my ass kicked by life. I just wanted to sit on the floor and throw my hands in the air and say “I give up.” But, on the bright side, I only cried twice (go me!). One thing that helped was today’s post on my favorite blog site, dooce.com. I literally laughed hysterically at my desk. I worship the writer, Heather Armstrong. She’s a total badass, and a professional blogger at that. Sometimes you just need a good laugh (and other times you need a good drink, but I was at work so what was I to do?).

When I got back to Grandma’s House World, I was still feeling pretty down. So, after dinner I went for a run (exercising makes me feel better when I’m having a crap day). Ok, I realize that running right after eating is not advisable (can you say hello dinner?). I usually workout before I have dinner, however, I’m not trying to make my grandma wait to eat, so I’ve been eating dinner with her as soon as I get home. I was going to wait about an hour before I ran, but the weather person was howling about huge, scary thunderstorms coming our way. So, I reckoned, the only way to get a run in was to go right then. So I did. Mmmmm, lasagna burps.

Part of why exercising when I’m down helps is that I have a second to clear my head of all the stressful elements of the day. Usually, the space once occupied by scary-bad-stressful shit gets overtaken by completely random, weird, useless, silly, fun things. And this is good. Today while running, for whatever reason, I started thinking about some things my mother taught my sister and I.

Now, I’m not talking mother-daughter advice or anything like that. I’m talking about how my mom taught my sister and me incorrect things ON PURPOSE. Pause for reaction. Allow me to paint a picture (with words; you saw my half-assed attempts at visual art here): I’m a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed (squirrel?) college freshman English major hanging out with my newly acquired friends. As I’m getting to the bottom of the bag of chips we are all sharing, I politely ask if anyone wants the farfels at the bottom of the bag. That’s right, “farfels.” What, you ask, is a “farfel?” Well, “farfel” is a word my mother made up and taught my sister and I. Of course, I somehow made it 18-years without knowing this wasn’t a word! Farfels are the little crumbs at the bottom of the bag, or the little fuzzies that come off your socks, or the things that make you want to die on-the-spot of embarrassment. They’re just little bits of stuff, basically. But, how is it that a girl who was 18 and majoring in English (words are my thing!) could sincerely grow up to think that a word that is not a word is a word (word yo)? The answer is that my mom is sneaky and has a very silly sense of humor. Oh, and she got my dad in on it. He still says “farfel.” I just imagine my mom stepping aside every so often to laugh evilly in private at sending her kid to college armed with an arsenal of false information. (A PS- There is some argument amongst us about how the “word” farfel is spelled. The way it is presented here is my spelling. My sister insists that such a ridiculous, fake word should be spelled pharphal).

The other famous related incident happened with my sister (thank god. Not sure I could have dealt with two of these). For whatever reason, my mom thought it would be funny to teach her that ducks have three legs. Why ducks? I have no freakin’ clue. But, my sister went to preschool sincerely believing that ducks have three legs. When you’re 4 you believe the things your parents teach you! So, when my sister drew a duck with three legs in class one day, and the teacher asked her why she would do such a thing, my sister most certainly gave her the are-you-stupid? look. “Um, because ducks have three legs, you dumbass.” So, once the teacher discerned that Kathleen sincerely believed ducks to have three legs and that this was something her mom taught her, she called home to chide my mother for teaching her children things that weren’t true. Hil-ar-i-ous, no?

This duck was born in China. So my sister WAS right...

Anyways, some parents might be horrified, but I think this is incredibly funny. People need to stop taking themselves and their kids so seriously! Although, sometimes I still do wonder what else I have been doing or saying that is totally wrong…

(Hi mom!)

Also, one Grandma’s House World moment of panic today: I went to brush my teeth and the plastic cup I keep my toothbrush in had mysteriously disappeared. My toothbrush was put in another cup with MAKEUP BRUSHES (ew). I suspect I will find my cup being held hostage by the dishwasher.

RYAN'S RECOMMENDATIONS:

Listening: Back on a Joni Mitchell kick at the moment. For the Roses, and right now I'm loving "You Turn Me On, I'm a Radio." What a great track.

Reading: Chesapeake. Seriously, I'm ready to read all of Michener's books.

Working Out: As I mentioned above, I've been running, walking, etc. My exercise DVDs are all packed. Frowny face.