End of an Era

Hello All!

I wanted to let you know that I am ending this blog. No hard feelings; I just feel it is time to move on.

I am now located here: http://www.1917farmhouse.wordpress.com/. Come over and visit!

A Bazillion Trillion Dollars

You may or may not be aware that there is a $500,000,000+ Powerball jackpot up for grabs.

Now, I haven't purchased any kind of lottery ticket since my 18th birthday, but I'm seriously considering getting a Powerball ticket today. Mainly just for fun.

$500 MILLION dollars is so much money that, to me, it might as well be Eleventy Bazillion Trillion dollars. I don't think I could spend that much money if I tried.

Here are a few things I could think of doing if I had that much money:

• Buying Chris his dream sailboat.
• Making sure all my parental units and Chris's parental units could retire comfortably.
• Giving each of my siblings and Chris's siblings dollarz.
• Opening a rabbit rescue- Ryan's Rabbit Rescue. Then I could save all the buns!
• Starting my own kickass coffee shop/music venue.
• Learning Italian... in Italy!
• Building us a medium-sized dream home on the water somewhere.
• Going on a year-long worldwide adventure/vacation.
• Hiring a personal trainer.
• Starting a fine wine collection.

What would you do with that much money? 

I Voted!

This morning, Chris and I got up at 6:00. Most days, we get up between 8 and 8:30. But today is not most days. Today, as I'm sure your TV, radio, social media, and other people's yards wouldn't let you forget, is election day. We were both very excited to vote, so we decided to get up super early, get in line, make our selections, push the magic button, and then go out to breakfast together to celebrate.

I hope you all got out there and cast your votes. Cuz if you didn't, I don't want to hear any complaints out of you. For the next four years. Seriously.

I've got my fingers and toes crossed for President Obama, and I'm sure you're not surprised by that. In fact, Mitt Romney scares the bajeezus out of me (and my uterus). So, I've had the election day jitters. I've been reading quotes by Susan B. Anthony to keep myself feeling inspired instead of terrified. But, I must say, there is a big part of me that simply can't wait for it all to be over. I received a total of 9 calls over the past two days that were election-related, and I feel a little bit like this girl.

We are currently sipping beer and eating chocolate and watching NBC's election coverage. Anyways, to help keep the mood light, I decided to make up some of my own Election Coverage Drinking Games (let it be known that we are actually not playing these tonight):

For those of you who would like to end the night in a pool of your own vomit:

• Drink every time you hear the phrase "swing state."
• Drink every time you see a white male.
• Drink every time a state turns red or blue.
• Drink every time you hear the word "battleground."
• Drink every time you're frightened for your candidate's chances of winning.
• Drink every time you hear the word "Florida."

For those of you who wish to avoid getting drunk:

• Drink every time a female candidate is mentioned.
• Drink every time a non-white candidate (other than President Obama!) is mentioned.
• Drink every time an independent wins an electoral vote or votes, or a race for a position in Congress.
• Drink every time you see a man wearing a tie that is not hideous.

I guess I'll see you on the other side!

OMG Weddingz

I haven't written much about my upcoming wedding, have I? I'm not sure exactly why that is. Perhaps because I've found that no one really wants to hear about your wedding planning (exceptions: Other engaged people and your mom). Perhaps there is part of me that considers it to be a private subject (oh, who am I kidding?). I think maybe it's more likely because life has been in a state of upheaval for an extended period of time.

But I've been pretty focused on (and freaking out about) wedding stuffz this past week. We already have some of the big important stuff taken care of:

• Venue? Check.
• Caterer? (BBQ!) Check.
• Dress? (Eeeee, not telling you about it) Check.
• Shoes? (UPS expected delivery date: Monday) Check.
• Wedding rings? (Ooooh, shiny) Check.
• Save the Dates (Sent out!) Check.
• Celebrant? Check-a-roonie!
• Registries? Started them. So a half-check there.

But, right now I'm freaking out about the following:

• Photography. I know that people have to make a living doing this, and that there is a lot of effort put in to editing, etc after the hours spent taking pictures, and I truly believe that talent and skill should be paid for, but holy crap! Wedding photography costs more than a year's worth of car payments for me. Not sure what we're going to do about this.
• Cake. Cupcakes, actually. I'm going to tasting soon to see about the sweet stuff. If I had my way though, we'd have wedding ice cream, not wedding cakes...
• Hotel Rooms. We're going to have quite a few people coming from out of the area (we hope!). So we have to block rooms (and I'd prefer to do it sooner rather than later). What if I pick a hotel that is close and has great group rates, but when my family all gets there, turns out to be a hole? What if they run out of rooms before everyone has made their reservations? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
• Menswear. Guys, I love Chris so much. But, if he had his way, he'd be wearing cargo shorts and crocs and possibly his Mountain Dew hat on our wedding day. So I have a feeling I'm going to have to take point on the clothes for him and his groomsmen. Problem is, I know zero about men's clothing. And the groom looks that I tend to like, Chris doesn't. Oy.
• The guest list. I know this so cliche, but seriously, this is stressing me out. We're already over the number we want to have, and it seems like people are finding new significant others, etc by the day, adding even more. Stop it! 

Anyways, the other most recent exciting thing is that my mom is throwing us an engagement party. I can't wait for this. I kind of feel like the "yay, we're getting married!" steam has faded a bit of late, as we've both been busy, dealing with the loss of Coltrane, and trying to figure out some other big life decisions. I think the engagement party is the perfect excuse to be all kindsa focused on the whole pledging-to-be-together-forever thing.

So yeah, there's your dose of wedding-related blogging. I'm sure there will be more to come, but I promise not to hit you over the head with it.

On Grief and the Grocery Store

It has been 6 days since I had to put Coltrane down, and, so far, I've been alternating between the two stages of grief:

1. Pain
2. More Pain

The pain has been hitting me hard (kind of like a punch in the stomach) at the most random and sometimes inopportune times. Other times, people I'm talking to seem to be expecting me to lose it, but then I just don't.  And I don't know why.

For example, this past weekend, Chris and I played a duo show at a fall festival to raise money for a local no-kill animal shelter. I was dreading this, as I figured I'd lose it as soon as I saw the cute animals. But, for some reason, I was ok. We saw cute doggies, I pet a pony on the nose, and still, I was alright. A fellow musician and friend was saying how sorry she was about Coltrane, and somehow I could talk about what happened without crying (though I think she expected me to start, which is pretty reasonable). So yeah, I was fine. That is, until we left. I cried in the car on the way home. Don't know why.

The most unexpected thing that set me off was going to the grocery store on Sunday evening. Chris and I split up to cover more ground... I was to go to the produce section to get zucchini and garlic and bananas. As soon as I walked into that part of the store, there was that familiar punch in the stomach as I realized that I would no longer be buying large amounts of lettuce and fresh herbs for my bunny boy to happily munch on. Now there's no reason for me to have all the SKU #'s for all the types of lettuce and cilantro and parsley memorized. Now I don't need to stop at the grocery store three times a week.

I did my best to keep it together as we continued to shop... and I think I probably came off as extraordinarily grumpy, but as soon as we walked outside I totally lost it and ugly-cried all the way home.

I keep realizing that I no longer have to do these small little things like go to the grocery store all the time, go straight home after work no matter what, keep cords and plugs out of reach always, clean litter boxes, arrange for pet sitters any time I'm out of town, put someone else's needs before my own, etc. Most people would say that those things make a person's life more difficult, but I whole-heartedly disagree. Those things meant getting to have a happy bunny to come home to every single day. Those things meant a loving, trusting bond established between bunny and bunny mommy. Those things meant I was fulfilling my responsibilities and doing a damn good job at fulfilling them. Those things meant that I could give a great life to Coltrane, who depended on me for every single thing.

But what I never realized before until now is that all those little things aren't just part of a routine, they are also very ingrained in my sense of self. Chris and I adopted Coltrane shortly after we graduated and moved out into the "real" world. My whole independent adult life took shape with Coltrane there. It was always: Who am I? I am woman who has a pet rabbit (aka I am a crazy bunny lady). I am woman who takes care of things that need taken care of. I am a woman who puts others' needs first. I am woman who loves. I am a woman who would mostly rather stay home and sit on the floor with a rabbit than go out and party. I am a woman who will be DD mostly so that I don't drink too much to drive home to my bunny. I am a woman who is patient. I am a woman who gains so much from the act of taking care of a pet. I am a woman who is never truly home alone.

And now? I am a woman who cries. I am a woman who is lost. I am a woman who literally doesn't know how to live without her bunny companion.

Remembering Coltrane

I had to put Coltrane down yesterday, much sooner than I thought. He was getting so little air that he started slumping over, so we had to let him go. I'm more devastated than I can adequately explain in words, but I thought the above video was a great way to remember him as the happy little bun he was.

I Cannot Wait to Marry This Man...

Don't he look handsome? Photo by Linda Neri.